Losing a loved one is never easy, but the pain that comes from a loved one choosing to leave you and this world behind can be a little more difficult to cope with. As someone who lost her father a little over three years ago to suicide, I can tell you that a variety of questions cross through my mind everyday. Although I know that these questions may never be answered and the pain may never go away, I have learned how to deal even when it seems impossible. That is something I want to help those of you reading this article with.
Question: Why wasn't I worth sticking around for?
I couldn't tell you how many times this question has popped up in my head. Can you imagine being so depressed and down on yourself that you think suicide would be the best choice? I know I can't. When people are in a state of total and utter helplessness, they can only think about what is getting them down at the time. Mainly, they are focused on the way they are feeling. They don't take the time to think about how this decision may affect their loved ones after they've passed. Selfish? Yeah, maybe ... but the next time you're upset, see if you think about the way others are feeling at the time and not about the way you're feeling. We can all be a little selfish at times. Although it may hurt, we have to realize that our feelings were not greatly considered, and it's not something we should take to heart.
Question: What would make someone want to commit suicide?
This is something you have to think long and hard about. Try to remember events that may have been going on prior to their suicide. My father had a lot on his plate - a ton of bills, a stressful job, health problems, separation from my mother and a drug addiction. I believe that it was all becoming too much to handle and he decided that suicide was his only way out. People don't decide to just end their lives over something minuscule and petty. There's always a much deeper reasoning behind it. If you weren't around them enough to notice anything, maybe try talking to someone who was. Chances are they can help you get to the bottom of it. Once you have a pretty good idea of why they made that choice, you can start coming to peace with it, knowing that whatever it was can no longer hurt them.
Question: Could I have prevented their suicide?
I always used to think of ways that I could have stopped my father from committing suicide. When I finally started coming to terms with his death, I began to realize that the hole he was in was just too deep. He was at the end of his rope, and nothing that I or anyone else could have said would have helped. That's not just the case with my father's suicide ... this is the case with every person who has ever committed suicide. As unfortunate and heart-wrenching as it is, they reached their breaking point. Although we wish we could have helped or done something differently, we just couldn't have. As with everything else, it's something we all have to come to terms with.
One quote that I want you all to remember is that "everything happens for a reason." Many things in life may never be figured out. All we can do is move on and live life to the fullest. If we waste all of our time thinking about things that are out of our control and cannot be changed, we're basically committing suicide ourselves. Our loved ones are now at peace, so it's time for us to be as well.
Megan Graves - null
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